to choose growth is to embrace a love that heals.

“growing up is, at heart, the process of learning to take responsibility for whatever happens in your life.

It can be scary leaving what is normal and entering the unknown but we must still stay brave and push through. “Being brave doesn’t mean you're not scared”. But there is something that The Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It taught me (I know, really interesting reference). My fears are understandable and valid and it’s important to accept them. We all have to be okay with change and growth, but it sort of feels like I have gone through so much change so fast that I took the time for granted. But that takes time, and that time will be filled with highs and lows, but it’s a journey I have to go through on my own. Not being as dependent on other people and building myself to be stronger. Something I associate with growing up is being more isolated. I’m excited to see the new things that are coming my way. In the moment, I really didn’t enjoy the process, but looking back I’m so proud of myself and grateful that I was able to push through and build a better environment for myself. And now, I feel like I have really achieved what I wanted. I dread every birthday, too because I feel like I've wasted my teen years and haven't done stuff like the other kids/teens. This past year I worked towards changing my circumstances and environment. My fear of growing up isn't just the fear of growing up, it's the fear of eventually being alone and without my parents and the fear of falling apart after all that due to my mental health. Every year of my life seems to have more and more distinct changes. Seeing how much you have changed and all the goals you have achieved. I’m seeing people I used to go to high school and college with start to get their first jobs, move to new cities, and even get married.

I’m starting to see everyone around me grow up as well. Everyone talks about how their 20s were the most formative decade in their life. I know that people are legally an adult at 18, but let’s be honest, I was nothing close to an adult at 18. Now you may think that is a bit obnoxious, but turning 20 feels like I’m officially an adult. I have been feeling really anxious about turning 20. By the time you read this, I will have officially entered my 20s.

Fear of growing up